Eric and the Multiple Topics
Note: I am reposting this to fourwords.net on May 7, 2016 after some quick editing for grammar. The original posting was September 20, 2011 and can be found here if that interests you for any reason.
Well, that was it. I’ve run out of things to talk about. I’ve built the last few topics up in my head for such a long time and now I’m empty. It feels pretty good to be done with them, for now anyway; maybe I can start working on something new. Maybe not, I guess we’ll see. Let’s see how long I can make this post about having nothing to say.
I have sleep apnea. I’ve been sleeping with a CPAP machine for about 10 months now. It has completely changed the way my days go. I know that many people point to my being overweight as the reason for the sleep apnea (mostly just my doctor), but I think I’ve had it my entire life. My mom said that even when I was a baby it freaked her out so much that she had to put me in the other room so she could sleep. We just never did anything about it until it got so bad that I was pretty sure my heart was going to stop in my sleep. I used to fall asleep during movies, even movies I was really excited to see, sometimes in the theater. I would pass out during meetings, driving, watching TV, and anything else you can think of where sleeping would be inappropriate. I was watching iCarly last night (what? Don’t judge, that show’s hilarious) and Carly was sleeping with the exact same breathing mask I use. She’s not fat, and yes, I know it’s only a television show. I also actually know several other quite skinny people who have sleep apnea. It sucks not being able to stay awake even when your job pretty much depends on it. If you’re wondering if the mask is annoying or hard to sleep with, for me it isn’t, for me it is the awesomest thing that science has ever done.
On to a different topic altogether, I had mentioned in the post “Eric and The Questions” that I was afraid that some of the crazy thoughts that came into my head could possibly offend God. A reader (that I happen to go to church with and have known most of my life) commented yesterday that nothing I can think of will offend God because that would make me greater than God, and quite obviously I’m not. This may sound simple, but it blew my mindhole. So, I knew that there was nothing I could think of that He hadn’t already thought of. My concern was more about whether or not I should entertain these thoughts or dismiss them and repent. God knows the intent of my heart, probably better than I do myself. This is a profound revelation to me, but I don’t quite know what to do with it just yet. I kind of feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. I don’t know. I need to think on this for a while.
Final topic, I swear, this blog has been like free therapy for me. I know that it’s been whiney and depressing. I’m sorry, but whiney and depressing is where I live 75% of the time. Writing these issues has helped me kind of see what they are. I don’t know why but sometimes I don’t realize what’s wrong with me until I’ve written it down.
So, this is a lot of words for someone who doesn’t have anything to say. Later